Positive Psychology – navel gazing
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_psychology#Learned_optimism
ah HA! what I want to do has a name!
“Learned optimism
Learned optimism is the habit of attributing one’s failures to causes that are external (not personal), variable (not permanent), and specific (limited to a specific situation). For example, an optimistic person attributes his/her failures to external causes (the environment or other people), to variable causes which are not likely to happen again, and to specific causes that will not affect his/her success in other endeavors.
This explanatory style is associated with better performances (academic, athletic, or work productivity), greater satisfaction in interpersonal relationships, better coping, less vulnerability to depression, and better physical health.[16]“
though um but some factors are internal or “personal”… I just have to remember most of the internal portions can be fixed w introspection and acknowledgment. I find most things I can fix simply thru introspection and figuring out the causes. The ones I find to be more challenging are HABITS. Things I do even when I don’t want to. For example, when I was a child I bit my nails til they bled. Now I have conquered that habit (still bite inside of my cheek though…) And I am typically good at wiping things out in their entirety.
It is difficult though because I have a habit which in many ways is good – questioning myself and my motives. But this habit of self observation can easily turn against me. I do listen and consider every criticism I receive – even when I don’t want to. It makes the public life I live a bit difficult at times 
I do try to focus on the not “permanent” part and the”specific” part on learned optimism. I think though one piece to help with the “personal” part is to remember it is impossible for me to always understand THE OTHERS perspective. I mean it is tough enough to understand my own. TO understand someone else’s means to address at least two layers of filter.
hmm maybe the idea of something not being “personal” isn’t so far off afterall… when you consider the faulty data.
So perhaps i will resolve to ignore certain types of critiques until I notice at least several different types of people making a similar comment. I think that will also make me happier.
after all – you never know when you look like someone’s exgirlfriend…
ponder…
January 3rd, 2010 at 6:02 pm
What an odd definition. It almost sounds like it’s equating “learned optimism” with “delusional”! It only mentions the attitude toward the negative … “optimism is what’s left over after you blame others for the bad stuff”!
Some causes involve both a “me” part and an “other” part … “I can’t reach the cookie jar because both of ‘I am not tall enough’ and ‘it is very high.’” I can see where a habit of always choosing to think only of ‘I am not XXX enough’ could be destructive, and choosing to think only of ‘It is very high’ could relieve some angst. But wouldn’t “optimism” include some forward-looking thought, like “I’ll reach it next time”? Even some of what that Wikipedia page calls “Hope”: “I’ll reach it next time by climbing on a chair”?
Your “30 days of happiness” proposal (which I just went back and read again, to make sure) is much more about “being positive” (and even “finding positive actions”) than “ducking the negative.” I think you’re on to something stronger than this Wikipedia definition.
January 3rd, 2010 at 6:10 pm
oh yes! I love your example!
See normally I simply protect myself against the negative. Something I think is VERY important in regards to boundary creation. But in extreme means I live life as a snail or turtle. Not very workable for a hummingbird like me…
negative must the accounted for and dealt with but not dwelled upon.
but yes you bring up a good point about Hope and Happiness in regards to perspective. I also like the long term view which included strategies and tactics for achievement.
thank you!