Learned optimism is the habit of attributing one’s failures to causes that are external (not personal), variable (not permanent), and specific (limited to a specific situation). For example, an optimistic person attributes his/her failures to external causes (the environment or other people), to variable causes which are not likely to happen again, and to specific causes that will not affect his/her success in other endeavors.
This explanatory style is associated with better performances (academic, athletic, or work productivity), greater satisfaction in interpersonal relationships, better coping, less vulnerability to depression, and better physical health.[16]“
though um but some factors are internal or “personal”… I just have to remember most of the internal portions can be fixed w introspection and acknowledgment. I find most things I can fix simply thru introspection and figuring out the causes. The ones I find to be more challenging are HABITS. Things I do even when I don’t want to. For example, when I was a child I bit my nails til they bled. Now I have conquered that habit (still bite inside of my cheek though…) And I am typically good at wiping things out in their entirety.
It is difficult though because I have a habit which in many ways is good – questioning myself and my motives. But this habit of self observation can easily turn against me. I do listen and consider every criticism I receive – even when I don’t want to. It makes the public life I live a bit difficult at times I do try to focus on the not “permanent” part and the”specific” part on learned optimism. I think though one piece to help with the “personal” part is to remember it is impossible for me to always understand THE OTHERS perspective. I mean it is tough enough to understand my own. TO understand someone else’s means to address at least two layers of filter.
hmm maybe the idea of something not being “personal” isn’t so far off afterall… when you consider the faulty data.
So perhaps i will resolve to ignore certain types of critiques until I notice at least several different types of people making a similar comment. I think that will also make me happier.
after all – you never know when you look like someone’s exgirlfriend…
“Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.[1] A variety of philosophical, religious, psychological and biological approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources.”
But I think what struck me most was dictionary.com had
“Antonyms:
1. misery.”
and that was it… just misery… i couldn’t help but think of so many others that might fit…
but realized I was getting distracted. So again went back to the concept of Mazlow’s Hierarchy of Needs… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs
I realized how much I associate happiness with fulfillment on all those levels.
From
Physiological – like loving Austin and the house I live in and the food I eat
Safety -mmmm most of my resources here are actually based on the higher levels
Belonging – my varied social networks, my family – very happy here!
Esteem – Being asked to present at an event, wearing an outfit I created/invented
Self Actualization – my work, thinktanks
While writing this post, I realized these happiness posts are becoming experiments in thinking out loud – unlike my normal posts. For example, this post makes me realize the obvious. The reason I want a normal job is because the main aspect lacking in my life right now is “Safety.” Contracting doesn’t cut it for me because right now most of my “Safety” is created on the other levels’ resources.
I think I like this 30 day writing process – vulnerable as it is.
At the Solstice party last night I ran into several NLP people. It seems to be a reoccurring theme. So I have decided to try some NLP techniques. Mainly simply because they make sense to me in regards to dealing with negative thought spirals…
One visualization technique that my friend Kai suggested was doing a “swish” on “trigger” issues. Basically you take a loaded negative image and shrink it away from you – so far away it becomes black and white. Then you take a loaded positive image and do the same. Then practice switching between the two – zooming in and out. Basically getting control over the loaded image. and then using that tool in other difficult situations…
It seems worth a try – plus it makes sense in regards to neural pathways – you can get into reoccurring patterns of negative thought. My example is how our brains can get into ruts or well worn story telling trails. For example, take a story you tell often and try to stop in the middle of it. I think it is why old people often are labeled a boring storytellers. They often have set patterns of stories that are difficult to deviate from. I say take those stories and try to change them to your audience’s perspective or give them a more positive spin.
I hope by doing this experiment I will create a more positive perspective of the world. When I was in India, my perspective shifted widely and often. I would flow back and forth from loving the vitality and strength of the Indian people in the face of extreme hardship to hating the chaos, pollution and competitiveness.
I believe to succeed at my work I need to love humanity. I sometimes feel like LeeLoo in the 5th Element where I have to be reminded why I want to save the world. When I am in that space and being in love with the patterns of the universe is when I am happiest and feel that sense of wellbeing. You know that feeling – I used to achieve it when I believed in religion.
But I do feel that this is like dancing was for me. At first, I was just good at it. But to be great at it, I had to take some steps back and dissect it. I had to be conscious so that I could be consciously great instead of unconsciously good. Unfortunately becoming conscious means I suddenly became awkward. That was extremely hard on my ego. But if I practice enough, I can again become unconsciously good with the ability to become conscious and great when I need to learn something new.
India made me stumble, trip and fall… All the poverty, dirt, scrambling, competitiveness made me awkward. I felt both bad for them as well as in fear of them. Americans are so very soft. And I got taken advantage of often. But while I was there I kept myself up with the power of perspective. I did not allow that to crumble until I was leaving. I then had to process and now pulling myself out of it. I can enjoy the fun I had in India again.
Now the aspect to happiness in this… This process is good! i need to acknowledge that. I also need to allow myself to be unhappy to stumble while I process. So that I can get back to being happy again.
Key here – forgive yourself for disliking and being afraid of something. You can love something at the same time you see it’s flaws. it’s okay. perfection is a myth. Don’t expect them to be perfect or yourself.
So in honor of solstice, new years and the other holidays, I am going to do 30 days of posts on happiness.
I don’t always promise that they are completely happy posts but more reflections on happiness.
One reason I am doing this is because I have gotten into some negative storytelling patterns that I would like to break. So this is more a pursuit of happiness…
Topics I am pondering are:
Mazlow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Why I love thinktanks
Changing patterns of thought – chose to win
We are physical beings
Food and drink – hedonism go!
Exercise, movement and dance
How being happy makes me smarter
Sounds I love and why
Crafting and making
Spirituality – and semiotics
Friendship and associations
Humanity as a whole – love/hate relationship
Why I love Austin and traveling
Family
Children in my life
Rituals
Fame and fortune = respect?
Sleep and Dreams
Deadlines and accomplishments
Social schedules
Flow
Confidence
Honest, truth and light
Safety
Health
Breathing
What it means to Fly
Stuff and things
Costumes and pretending
Resolutions
They may change… these are just jumping off points. But hopefully I will link them to the appropriate posts in the future.
Etymology: Middle English, probably of Scandinavian origin; akin to Old Norse traust trust; akin to Old English trēowe faithful — more at true
Date: 13th century
1 a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b: one in which confidence is placed 2 a: dependence on something future or contingent :hopeb: reliance on future payment for property (as merchandise) delivered :credit<bought furniture on trust> 3 a: a property interest held by one person for the benefit of another b: a combination of firms or corporations formed by a legal agreement; especially: one that reduces or threatens to reduce competition 4archaic:trustworthiness 5 a (1): a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship (2): something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another b: responsible charge or office c:care, custody<the child committed to her trust>
— in trust: in the care or possession of a trustee
Wow… look at how much even the definition of trust involves banking concepts. I didn’t expect that… Primarily because our main usage is something a bit more amorphous.
The wikipedia page talks about trust being more emotional and deeper than just reliance… I believe that is crucial to understanding how the public feels in regards to the banks and the banking situation. It is not the mere disappointment of a broken system that they rely on instead it the emotional reaction of broken trust. But why such emotion? I mean it is just a system right?
But if I search again on the term “regaining trust”… the majority of articles are about cheating spouses. I think this is also telling in regards to the level of betrayal people feel in regards to trust.
Banking for most of time has been a very personal relationship. It has only changed in the past 30yrs where people no longer know their banker. I think that emotional connection is very important in regaining trust in banking. I do think it’s going to take some serious work to be regained much like dealing with a spouse that has cheated.
My solution… transparency.
We have to admit what is wrong and put structures in place that illustrate we won’t do it again. I can’t help but refer again to the art of apology from theartofmanliness.com website. We might not be responsible (after all we are creating something new.) But it doesn’t matter. Apologize anyhow and show how it isn’t going to happen again. Show how and why people can trust you again. Show them how you will protect them. So they can believe and have hope. Because in the end… it is emotional.
I think that communicating trust is going to be key for creating a new bank and it’s why I made it my first topic for my series of banking posts.
So I have talked to many of you about Open Banking at this point. Now I am working on a presentation for the potential clients. I keep doing and redoing and redoing and… you get the point so
I was wondering – What you thought were the most compelling arguments about openbanking?
I’ll add in some of my own in the comments section…
help me convince them! As I know others of you believe in this as well!
So one of my favorite stories/ demo’s I used to do for my new students was that of the “Big Rocks”
I would bring in a large glass vase and then I would place big rocks in it and ask if the vase was full…
Most would say yes.
I would then pour in small rocks and then ask again if it was full. Some would say yes
I would then pour in sand and ask if it was full. By then most had caught on and would say no.
And then I would pour in water…
I called it a lesson in priorities. So long as you figure out what your “large rocks” are in life you can fit most stuff in around those “large rocks.” Just remember to put your large rocks in first like family, children, school, work etc.
I think the hardest part for me personally in regards to that lesson is the huge wealth I am surrounded in in regards to opportunity costs. I can’t help but look at the other large rocks – I took out and placed on the ground.
So many things I can choose to do with my time. And every time I choose to do something. I am choosing NOT to do a ton of other things.
I am at a standoff in regards to the social media world. Email, twitter, facebook – these should all be sand filling around my big rocks. And they are not. Instead processing them have been big rocks in my day. Mainly because of communication issues and others’ demand on my time.
I think what is missing most is an ability to truly prioritize and to accept losses when I do miss emails, texts, direct messages on twitter etc. The biggest opportunity loss is the fact I do not want to prioritize on open government anymore – sunlight is doing fine in that arena. Instead, I want to do Open Banking. It is all I think about. (ok maybe a few other idea pop up but it is sticky!) SO I have traded Big Rocks. And that means having to dump out all the others and re-sort…
I need to focus on how to make Open Banking happen.
these are my internalized rules… pieces stolen from the ether. Much is focused on maintaining self respect in difficult situations.
How to Criticize
1) try not to criticise period (per How to Win Friends and Influence People)
2) Only criticize when something must be fixed for continued involvement
3) Start off with what is going right in the relationship for you
4) Only talk about the actions and how those made you feel (no personal attacks)
4) Negotiate a win/win solution
5) if win/win solutions are not possible leave quietly
How to Accept Criticism
1) Listen
2) Reflect back to the speaker what you heard
3) Ask what solution they propose
4) Negotiate a win/win solution with the knowledge of their perspective (keep checking in)
5) if win/win is not possible state it that you understand their issue without antagonism and walk away
One thing I realized in regards to writing this is how important respectful negotiations are to these communications. Without respectful negotiations, criticism is useless. Only enter into criticism if you think win/win solutions are possible.
So a bunch of people are throwing around the word “Open” lately and I have to admit I am more than a bit offended by its abuse.
I think the biggest irony currently is Adobe’s use of the word considering their PDF’s are some of the most closed items on the planet as far as govt publications are concerned. I think I would be more supportive if they actually OPENED that up.
And of course you have another noxious offender Facebook claiming their API is “OPEN.” Check out Louis Grey’s post of definitions http://blog.louisgray.com/2009/10/blurry-picture-of-open-apis-standards.html
I purposely stopped saying “TRANSPARENT Government” a few years back even though I had been using the term since 2004. (and had registered just about every domainURL version under the sun) Basically, I realized just having the data available somewhere buried on the site was not enough. It had to be easily accessible as well. So I jumped on the “OPEN” bandwagon. And started referring to “Open Government” instead of transparent government.
But I also found that term to be lacking as well and created a new word for what I wanted. CITABILITY – which goes beyond available or accessible. It has set definitions. It must be citable also. This has a long and fairly well defined history http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citable – So it creates a stronger term that is less subject to abuse. And defines a specific goal.
Add to the term “citability” – the specifications on the website citability.org and the implementations being posted to citability.pbworks.com and you have a more enforceable definition. That I am hoping a community of people will support.
Also add in the time date stamp portions and you have versioning and accountability. This makes “citability” goes way past the generalized concept of “OPEN” and creates something specific.
I think we need to be careful about using such fluid terms…
(and since a silona blog post wouldn’t be complete without a reverse navel gazing about how I make be doing the same mistake i am critiquing…)
Which makes me ponder posting a better definition of “OPENBANKING” I want to incorporate the best of OPEN in regards to banking to create EARNED trust.
Time to make a quick ruleset. Since I am inventing this term and all and being one of the first to blog about it. (at least so far as I have found anyhow )
Now Adobe… let’s talk about Citability and standards in regards to your PDF’s… I’m sure we can figure something out to not just help you to be OPEN but Citable as well. I know you guys aren’t actually evil in regards to this just monolithic which results in being slow.
RT @garrygolden: thrilled to see formal TED-Ed launch http://t.co/p0fltogz but more curious to see what Mozilla hires at Kahn unveil w/ web scale edu tools
I do try to focus on the not “permanent” part and the”specific” part on learned optimism. I think though one piece to help with the “personal” part is to remember it is impossible for me to always understand THE OTHERS perspective. I mean it is tough enough to understand my own. TO understand someone else’s means to address at least two layers of filter.
