happiness, the now and narrative circuitry


Ah HA!  Another tool… this one is super simple.  I LIKE IT!

If you find yourself lost in one of your default narratives, you can stop yourself by focusing on physical aspects of the “now” or present situation.  Like if you are washing dishing and you start a negative narrative about an argument you had earlier.  You can stop it by focusing on the feel of the water or the pattern on the dishes.  This is doubly good because you are more likely to hurt yourself since you aren’t paying attention.

I have always been a day dreamer.  I often figure out tough technical problems that way. And I can figure out multiple perceptions of a business concept.  My favorite daydream is all the projects I would do if I won the lottery.

But I have learned I do NOT solve deep seated emotional problems well using this technique.

Instead I often get stuck in a naysayers loop.  Naysayers loop can be very useful for tech projects esp hacking and security.  But those loops are extremely sabotaging for dealing with people on sensitive personal issues.

I think much of this gets back to basic brain programming.  In Vital Lies, Simple Truths by Goleman he talks about perception being created by all the information we are given or that we harvest.  This is also a reoccurring theme in Blink by Malcolm Gladwell.

For someone that does database programming, it really is simple – our filters are created by the data we are given in our lifetime.  Certain experiences can help shake that up a bit.  That is one reason I love to travel.  We can have some influence over this… but really not as much as we would like. As much as you change the algorithm it doesn’t matter if the data is broken.

So I think of it this way… I was given some pretty awesome datasets to learn from when it comes to computers, technology, problem solving, project management, event management etc.  But I was given some ugly data in regards to femininity and sexuality self esteem.  I think most women are and it holds up back esp in regards to being competitive or speaking out.  Bill Bradley once said it is like I am two people.  And once I conquer that insecure aspect I will be ready to rock the world (my phrasing ;-). )

I know that some people may think that addressing this publicly is weakness.  But that means you don’t know me well yet.  Taking it public is step one.  Dealing with the external naysayers is step two.  Getting rid of the internal naysayer (that sounds like my mom) is step three.  The funny thing is taking it public, often takes it out of my head.  Sometimes just the act of writing does…

Now to excise that data and create a new more accurate and positive dataset!!!

Boys – become Men and fix your faulty dataset too! http://artofmanliness.com/2009/05/11/the-problem-with-porn/ In my limited experience, the guys that I had healthy sexual relationships actually viewed very little porn… I think that says something.  I used to be pro-porn.  Now I am not so sure.  Esp if someone looks like they aren’t enjoying it and it is all about the humiliation.  I say at least try to keep it focused on the nice stuff.  Create a healthier dataset.

Edit: this link also talks about reprogramming… http://revolutionaryman.com/2009/03/why-men-surf-porn/ Guess I am not alone in needing reprogramming in this area.  Hey guess what I am not an object…