these are my internalized rules… pieces stolen from the ether. Much is focused on maintaining self respect in difficult situations.
How to Criticize
1) try not to criticise period (per How to Win Friends and Influence People)
2) Only criticize when something must be fixed for continued involvement
3) Start off with what is going right in the relationship for you
4) Only talk about the actions and how those made you feel (no personal attacks)
4) Negotiate a win/win solution
5) if win/win solutions are not possible leave quietly
How to Accept Criticism
2) Reflect back to the speaker what you heard
3) Ask what solution they propose
4) Negotiate a win/win solution with the knowledge of their perspective (keep checking in)
5) if win/win is not possible state it that you understand their issue without antagonism and walk away
One thing I realized in regards to writing this is how important respectful negotiations are to these communications. Without respectful negotiations, criticism is useless. Only enter into criticism if you think win/win solutions are possible.