Criticism guidelines
these are my internalized rules… pieces stolen from the ether. Much is focused on maintaining self respect in difficult situations.
How to Criticize
1) try not to criticise period (per How to Win Friends and Influence People)
2) Only criticize when something must be fixed for continued involvement
3) Start off with what is going right in the relationship for you
4) Only talk about the actions and how those made you feel (no personal attacks)
4) Negotiate a win/win solution
5) if win/win solutions are not possible leave quietly
How to Accept Criticism
1) Listen
2) Reflect back to the speaker what you heard
3) Ask what solution they propose
4) Negotiate a win/win solution with the knowledge of their perspective (keep checking in)
5) if win/win is not possible state it that you understand their issue without antagonism and walk away
One thing I realized in regards to writing this is how important respectful negotiations are to these communications. Without respectful negotiations, criticism is useless. Only enter into criticism if you think win/win solutions are possible.
of course this listing is better – but too long for me to remember it all in a stressful situation!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to other people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes first.
4. Ask questions instead of directly giving orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise every improvement.
7. Give them a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Encourage them by making their faults seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.
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