Consequential strangers and “the now”
So I was reading @Gumption ’s blog post on Consequential Strangers and was struck about how weak ties can often be more powerful than your inner circle. I thought “Well, why would this occur…”
I think much of this has to do with filters and judgment. When we get closer to people, we decide that we “know” them and we project much of ourselves on to them.
Often times, when we do this we limit people with baggage. Sometimes we create self fulfilling prophecies even.
My favorite example, how many times does a parent expect you to act like a 12 yr old and even though you promised yourself you wouldn’t yell at her like a 12 yr old – you find yourself doing it?
With any normal person this would never occur… And it would certainly not occur with a random stranger. But for some reason, we are able to give better suggestions and often be better people with strangers. Time to lose both the amount of projection of self we give to good friends. I think is slows down the grey matter. Instead of coming up with solutions instead it just accesses memories both positive and negative rather than looking for novel solutions…
I think I will steal from my happiness post earlier and try to short circuit my neural circuitry when that happens by some physical trick of existing in the now and maybe reroute that neural pathway.
January 1st, 2010 at 12:04 pm
Silona, glad you picked up the Gumption post. A “consequential stranger” is not quite a stranger, but the “normal person” rules you apply are correct. I often think that relationships would go much more smoothly–regardless of the level of intimacy–if we all treated our loved ones with the same respect and interest we give to people we know less well! I think you’ll really like the ideas in my new book. Let me know if you do.
Melinda Blau
author, Consequential Strangers: The Power of People Who Don’t Seem to Matter…But Really Do
http://www.consequentialstrangers.com