Persona Prime

I hope by doing this experiment I will create a more positive perspective of the world.  When I was in India, my perspective shifted widely and often.  I would flow back and forth from loving the vitality and strength of the Indian people in the face of extreme hardship to hating the chaos, pollution and competitiveness.

I believe to succeed at my work I need to love humanity.  I sometimes feel like LeeLoo in the 5th Element where I have to be reminded why I want to save the world.  When I am in that space and being in love with the patterns of the universe is when I am happiest and feel that sense of wellbeing.  You know that feeling – I used to achieve it when I believed in religion.

But I do feel that this is like dancing was for me.  At first, I was just good at it.  But to be great at it, I had to take some steps back and dissect it.  I had to be conscious so that I could be consciously great instead of unconsciously good.  Unfortunately becoming conscious means I suddenly became awkward.  That was extremely hard on my ego. But if I practice enough, I can again become unconsciously good with the ability to become conscious and great when I need to learn something new.

India made me stumble, trip and fall…  All the poverty, dirt, scrambling, competitiveness made me awkward.  I felt both bad for them as well as in fear of them.  Americans are so very soft.  And I got taken advantage of often.  But while I was there I kept myself up with the power of perspective.  I did not allow that to crumble until I was leaving.  I then had to process and now pulling myself out of it.  I can enjoy the fun I had in India again.

Now the aspect to happiness in this…  This process is good!  i need to acknowledge that.  I also need to allow myself to be unhappy to stumble while I process.  So that I can get back to being happy again.

Key here – forgive yourself for disliking and being afraid of something.  You can love something at the same time you see it’s flaws.  it’s okay.  perfection is a myth.  Don’t expect them to be perfect or yourself.

So one of my favorite stories/ demo’s I used to do for my new students was that of the “Big Rocks”

I would bring in a large glass vase and then I would place big rocks in it and ask if the vase was full…

Most would say yes.

I would then pour in small rocks and then ask again if it was full.  Some would say yes

I would then pour in sand and ask if it was full.  By then most had caught on and would say no.

And then I would pour in water…

I called it a lesson in priorities. So long as you figure out what your “large rocks” are in life you can fit most stuff in around those “large rocks.” Just remember to put your large rocks in first like family, children, school, work etc.

I think the hardest part for me personally in regards to that lesson is the huge wealth I am surrounded in in regards to opportunity costs.  I can’t help but look at the other large rocks – I took out and placed on the ground.

So many things I can choose to do with my time. And every time I choose to do something. I am choosing NOT to do a ton of other things.

I am at a standoff in regards to the social media world. Email, twitter, facebook – these should all be sand filling around my big rocks. And they are not. Instead processing them have been big rocks in my day. Mainly because of communication issues and others’ demand on my time.

I think what is missing most is an ability to truly prioritize and to accept losses when I do miss emails, texts, direct messages on twitter etc. The biggest opportunity loss is the fact I do not want to prioritize on open government anymore – sunlight is doing fine in that arena. Instead, I want to do Open Banking. It is all I think about. (ok maybe a few other idea pop up but it is sticky!) SO I have traded Big Rocks.  And that means having to dump out all the others and re-sort…

I need to focus on how to make Open Banking happen.

these are my internalized rules… pieces stolen from the ether.  Much is focused on maintaining self respect in difficult situations.

How to Criticize

1) try not to criticise period (per How to Win Friends and Influence People)

2) Only criticize when something must be fixed for continued involvement

3) Start off with what is going right in the relationship for you

4) Only talk about the actions and how those made you feel (no personal attacks)

4) Negotiate a win/win solution

5) if win/win solutions are not possible leave quietly

How to Accept Criticism

1) Listen

2) Reflect back to the speaker what you heard

3) Ask what solution they propose

4) Negotiate a win/win solution with the knowledge of their perspective (keep checking in)

5) if win/win is not possible state it that you understand their issue without antagonism and walk away

One thing I realized in regards to writing this is how important respectful negotiations are to these communications.  Without respectful negotiations, criticism is useless.  Only enter into criticism if you think win/win solutions are possible.

This is the 10 year plan I created in 2004

1) transparent govt
2) transparent business
3) introduce checks and balances in behavior
and create legal constructs when social norms fail

I started on all this because I am “Silona Bonewald” the only one in the world and I am a database geek. So I realized with the nature of things as they become electronic – privacy thru obscurity is gone. We needed a new (might I say better) type of checks and balances. And decided to start making govt and businesses more transparent.

When I started I didn’t talk much about business – everyone thought I was crazy enough in regards to govt. But now with the crash and such… I am not looking as crazy.

This is why I do allllll the crazy projects I do…
this is my theme!

Hmm was pondering this… how does a person that did so much work with “big companies”  and is really good at lobbying republican’s on technical issues get this tag line?

Well it isn’t what you think… it is not a rebellion.

I see the world in patterns.  I watch things interweave.  I have a HARD time writing papers that are longer than 5-10 pages.  It is because I do not see the world very linearly.  I do see the world as a multi dimensional mesh of connections with little electrical energies surging in many directions at once. (yea I am sure that is from some Sci-fi show I saw as a child.)

Because of this I see hierarchies as fluid.  If I can figure out a way to gain access without the traditional channels.  I will do so.  I normally get my ideas across. Though I have found it also means I rarely get paid… C’est la vie.

I don’t get foiled often.  The only way is to completely lock down your network.  It is sad when a group does do this.  it guarantees an echochamber effect.  Or an emporer’s new clothes reality…  And that makes me worry for them.

I have a dilemma…

You see communication is always an imperfect thing amoung humans… and it gets worse the more complex the concepts become.  I live in a world of complex topics.

Once upon a time, I did the geek thing and would basically interview people before talking to them on a topic.  It told me where they were at and I could then talk to them on a level they would understand.  But I was told that when I did that I was “intimidating.”  So I (mostly) stopped. I still do it when comfortable in a geeky situation.  Honestly it is my default setting…

So then, I tried not to assume and defined everything… I was told it was slow, boring and by some condescending .  I mean how could I assumed they didn’t know what that meant.  Whoops not my intention at all!

So then, I just talked.  But now people say I am confusing, intimidating and condescending.  Mainly this interpretation seems to be by one type of person however… those that are afraid to ask questions.  I guess the fear of asking questions says something about one’s mindset at the start.  I plead with you to break that mindset!

There is no such thing as a stupid question.  Some times questions are poorly asked… but all that is indicated to me is a lack of common background or vocabulary.  That does NOT mean stupidity.   it doesn’t even mean lack of knowledge.  It means lack of common knowledge.

The only thing that can be stupid about question asking is if you weren’t ATTEMPTING to listen in the first place.  Which honestly is more rare than you think… else why ask? (yes yes a few people like the sound of their voice – give them affirmation and they’ll be fine.)

SO Please ask me questions, it helps me better communicate with you.  That is my goal – else why would I talk to you?  I have so many things to be doing.  If I am talking to you – you are important to me.  I most often see the failure to communicate properly is my own or because we lack common vocabulary. I need to talk in a way that you can understand but you also have to give me feedback to make it worth your while.  Honestly, by not asking questions… you do yourself a disservice.

For example, The issue I am dealing w most right now is I don’t have a better phrase for my “Federated” Social network – geeks keep thinking “federation” which is something very specific to certain protocols.  However I MEAN ”

ie the Definition in the Dictionary.

But I have no control over others vocabulary hence me occasionally making up words like “citability.” I am luckly because if people see it written they have an inherent understand of what is MIGHT mean and because it is made up they have no fear of asking what it does mean!

get past fear!  ask questions!

So I was having this conversation last night with Alan Rosenblatt…

I was trying to figure out why I was so impatient with many people’s language in DC.

And I realized what it is…  You see a major failing of mine is what I call the “WHY.”  I often automatically see so many “WHY”s that are so interconnected and complex.  I have a hard time describing them all to people and so I can’t even think about writing about them.  I can only hope to create diagrams that show flow and interoperability. So instead I focus on the “HOW”  and look at “HOW”s that could support many many “WHY”s

But the “WHY”s are crucial to getting people to do things… in DC that is all anyone says.  The funny thing about it, is they like to argue about “WHY”s  it is very difficult to change someone’s perspective.  So I don’t understand why it is always so crucial to them to change my “WHY”?

I prefer people that focus on changing and discussing “HOW”s… the funny thing about “HOW”‘s is sometimes that can help multiple “WHY” if done correctly.  The difficult thing is “HOW”s are concrete and people like to grade or dismiss “HOW”  So I suppose it is not politic for that reason – the concrete dissent… Of course as a scientist, I simply think “Hm ok didn’t see that, I’ll change it.” Or I think “That makes my model too complex you can do it to solve your own “WHY”"  If I discount it completely I tell them why it doesn’t work for my model.  Soooo many times is ends up being not that anyone is wrong on the HOW but typically that some miscommunication occurred.

So my newest project – Citability.org is really about solving many WHYs  In fact I know without a doubt it will solve WHYs I haven’t even thought of yet.  The main WHYs I am stating are

1) Putting things on the web it makes it more accessible to normal people.

2) On a paragraph level is becomes issue based and more usable by normal people.

3) If you make it a humanreadable URL is easy to copy and paste for normal people and can be googled and aggregated

There are so many other advanced reasons such as creating the semantic web.  All the ways Transparent Federal Budget could use it in documenting topics.  How it would help all the documentation tools out there like wikipedia, reframeit, apture etc etc

But really… it is the simplicity of it that to me makes it beautiful

http://house.gov/BILL/datetimestamp/title/section/chapter/paragraph/clause

or

for websites themselves…

http://www.whitehouse.gov/agenda/civil_rights/datetimestamp/header/paragraph

So simple to cut and paste and post and search…  several WHYs taken care of by a simple HOW

with me I so prefer the discussion of HOW…

Can you quantify evil or corruption?  is it an absolute number?  can it be a singular metric?

ummm no it can’t

we all have different values and perspectives.

What we might be able to do is quantify based on information given the chance or percentage you might think something or someone is corrupt or evil.

But really… this all come down to time and transparency.  If we give all the information and if you have the time/intellect does our stuff seem right to you?

or you could trust “experts” and perhaps also be “corrupted” by influence…

The reality of that transparency without “expertise” is actually useless and a form of overload.  For it to be useful, it must be interpreted… that means bias.  I prefer to know where my bias comes from.  I trust in bias

I find it interesting in so many groups currently the end goal is transparency.  And for me transparency is simply a neccessary description of a process.  I do not find it to be good or evil simply necessary.

Why I decided to do Open Source code was not a question of morality.  It is a practical question.  If you want me to trust your code, I want to see it.  I want to know I have the ability to fix your mistake (even if honestly I might not be smart enough.)

The other business models out there are not “evil.”  They are what they are.  I just think with today’s online toolset and ability to crowdsource; they are outdated.  They require a different kind of trust.  That trust is “I paid you money I expect your software to work. “  There is no evil there.  There is no evil in bartering.  You can walk away from a deal.  You can choose not to use a product.

evil I believe lies in purposeful deception…  and then um yea…

It is pretty rare that I honestly find a person to be evil.

Most people doing “evil” things are just stupidly oblivious and self absorbed. Sometimes they have an excuse for their behavior like upraising or not having eaten that day… but typically I find it more revealing about a person if they rarely take time to reflect upon their life and its effects on others.

I am evil – I drive and fly about often. I’m sure in a world perspective I am one of the large contributors to global warming in the world. I could just move to Hallettsville and start growing organic veggies. Then to some eyes or metrics I would be “good.” But instead I fly around trying to make the world a better place.

I try to remember that perspective when judging others… since you know… there might be some other variable I am not seeing.

Wow this job hunting thing means I am constantly looking at my resume. It is a bit frustrating having been a hiring manager. I see too many jobs and accomplishments listed there. I am not sure I would hire me… at least I wouldn’t for some of the more boring jobs I have hired people for.

At one point someone highly placed in a well regarded company ( if I said who you would know who it is – so I won’t!) thought that my resume made me looked like I was a liar. Later we became friends and the person confessed. This is all odd to me. See I don’t see it as bragging. I look at it and ask myself why haven’t you gone further and done more. What flaw is holding you back? (and as a hiring manger I think – and how will that effect this company since this flaw could be dangerous.)

I can see my ADD persona screaming from the pages. I can see it saying “I can do so much for you if you let me.” So many of those groups/companies are happy I worked for them. But jobs are like relationships, and it is hard to eat double chocolate fudge cake every day. I am a serial monogamist there too. And not every company needs me for the long term. On some level, I think I should work for a large company that can afford to have me as a floater. But of course that exact openness is something a large company never allows.

It is tough… I could write a resume a hiring manager would love. You know make it task based. Skip over all the jobs and the fact I have been working for 24 years (ouch.) Do all of these things to make the document more friendly and super targeted. But is that fair? I think they should know I am double chocolate fudge cake w ganache frosting. That way I get more done. They want and are interested in change. So they hire me…  That is the preferred scenario.

I have been a consultant but that hurts on the health care and the stability issue. And I have been pondering the kids question (ooo dangerous topic.) I have to admit that is why I was thinking about Microsoft. Say what you will my OS advocate friends but MS takes care of people and allows them to have families. (I could rant here about MS outdated business model makes them do dumb things not MS itself. Ask me sometime how I think MS could fix its model…)

I am an agent of change. I do not deny this. But do not think for a moment I am not someone that gets things done.  I’ll get things done job or not… I’d just like to get paid for it