So I had some pretty unhappy things happen recently. I don’t want to go into details but let’s just say it relates to sexual abuse. And it reflected on some of my life long issues.
So it was difficult for me to post on happiness…
But today, I addressed those issues head on with the people that created the environment of secrecy. And did not back down. I demanded respect and while I may not have received from those people. I feel that I finally have earned respect for myself for addressing it. I could not ask for proper treatment on my behalf but I could ask for it on behalf of others that can’t defend themselves.
It strangely fills me with peace. I decided to do the 30 days of happiness because I was filled with anger. I was sexually assaulted by someone I knew about 2 and half years ago. And I couldn’t get past the anger stage… I knew it was unhealthy but I just couldn’t break out of the pattern. I feel like I just woke up.
I think it is time to be open on this issue. I talk so often about transparency and openness. The importance of it in government and banking. And yet here I am… hiding…
In this day and age you need to get over being squeamish about talking to your children about sex and sexuality. Porn is everywhere and conflicting sex signals are everywhere. If you have issues, get therapy so that you can be a better parent on this topic. You must talk to your children about appropriate touching and from a young age. Not doing so is neglect and the same as not telling your kid about hot stoves and crossing the street. Not addressing sexuality in general with a teenage is like not talking about drugs.
Create an environment where your children can come and talk to you judgment free. Learn how to talk to children about this issue. If you aren’t up to it find a someone who is – like a professional or respected family member.
Become educated about how to talk about these topics if they do occur. For example, the first thing out of your mouth should NOT be “tell me exactly what happened.” Nor should you make a judgments and say things like “That isn’t so bad let me tell you what happened to me. See look you didn’t even get hurt.” The first thing you should do is let them know they are safe and create a safe environment. The second thing you should do is protect them. Talking on taboo topics requires safety – cultivate that with your children.
Sexual predation is an infectious disease. Look at the infection patterns. It should be obvious to anyone with a science background. Get rid of the swampy breeding ground of secrecy and shame. Time for disinfecting by using openness and transparency. Whether you are a parent that uses Purell or lets your kid eat dirt. It’s time to strengthen their sexual immune system against unhealthy contagious behaviors.
I know you may have the urge to make this “a private matter” just you and the parents. But you should never tell only the parents. Statistics show many times parents are the enablers by purposely ignoring the signs if not perpetuating it themselves. 90% of children know their abuser. Think about that 90%… This shows a serious societal plague.
True not the parents not knowing may just be benign neglect but it is still bad parenting and they need to correct it. Also often an external stimulus is needed to end the pattern. You don’t know who is at fault. There is a very good chance the parent is the abuser/enabler after all 30% of reported cases are parents.
Again making it a community issue is important. Discuss with a peer group – it is good practice. Chances are 1 in 3 of you gals have something to work out anyhow… just like me…
This is something we as a society need to address – publicly and without judgment in regards to the victims. False reports are extremely rare and typically easy to identify. Trust me – look at how difficult it is for me a seemingly outspoken woman to come out and talk because I did not feel I would be believed.
I know this is controversial. And I know several of you may think I’m nuts for being public about it and posting it. But I hope you can see that those predators have always thrived in the fact that it is rarely reported. And those predators also hope that you will judge me negatively for it… you see that creates the evil judgmental environment they thrive in. Predators don’t like openness. Predators like people being afraid to stand up for themselves and report them. Don’t help them…
My lack of dealing with this issue properly lead me into destructive relationships. I can’t fix everything that has happened with me. But I can make the world a safer place for the young ones.
Help break the bonds – don’t be silent. If you find out about sexual abuse, be vocal about it to the entire community. Let others know there is a predator in their midst. Allow them to protect themselves. I don’t mean lynch mobs but I do mean extra supervision. I do mean other people voicing their opinion about such behavior. This needs to be discussed. People need to talk about this and set clear focused boundaries on behavior.
I am looking into the legal aspects of reporting what happened to me as well. I know I have little of a case but I think a paper trail for anyone else that deals with this person is important.
wow I feel 15 pounds lighter just writing this post…