Short post today… for Mazlow’s Hierarchy of needs
I have one level covered! and that is love and belonging… I think my family and friends is the main thing that keeps me grounded and sane. I never question that I am loved…
Thank you!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_psychology#Learned_optimism
ah HA! what I want to do has a name!
“Learned optimism
Learned optimism is the habit of attributing one’s failures to causes that are external (not personal), variable (not permanent), and specific (limited to a specific situation). For example, an optimistic person attributes his/her failures to external causes (the environment or other people), to variable causes which are not likely to happen again, and to specific causes that will not affect his/her success in other endeavors.
This explanatory style is associated with better performances (academic, athletic, or work productivity), greater satisfaction in interpersonal relationships, better coping, less vulnerability to depression, and better physical health.[16]“
though um but some factors are internal or “personal”… I just have to remember most of the internal portions can be fixed w introspection and acknowledgment. I find most things I can fix simply thru introspection and figuring out the causes. The ones I find to be more challenging are HABITS. Things I do even when I don’t want to. For example, when I was a child I bit my nails til they bled. Now I have conquered that habit (still bite inside of my cheek though…) And I am typically good at wiping things out in their entirety.
It is difficult though because I have a habit which in many ways is good – questioning myself and my motives. But this habit of self observation can easily turn against me. I do listen and consider every criticism I receive – even when I don’t want to. It makes the public life I live a bit difficult at times 
I do try to focus on the not “permanent” part and the”specific” part on learned optimism. I think though one piece to help with the “personal” part is to remember it is impossible for me to always understand THE OTHERS perspective. I mean it is tough enough to understand my own. TO understand someone else’s means to address at least two layers of filter.
hmm maybe the idea of something not being “personal” isn’t so far off afterall… when you consider the faulty data.
So perhaps i will resolve to ignore certain types of critiques until I notice at least several different types of people making a similar comment. I think that will also make me happier.
after all – you never know when you look like someone’s exgirlfriend…
ponder…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness
says
“Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.[1] A variety of philosophical, religious, psychological and biological approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources.”
But I think what struck me most was dictionary.com had
“Antonyms:
1. misery.”
and that was it… just misery… i couldn’t help but think of so many others that might fit…
but realized I was getting distracted. So again went back to the concept of Mazlow’s Hierarchy of Needs… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs
I realized how much I associate happiness with fulfillment on all those levels.
From
While writing this post, I realized these happiness posts are becoming experiments in thinking out loud – unlike my normal posts. For example, this post makes me realize the obvious. The reason I want a normal job is because the main aspect lacking in my life right now is “Safety.” Contracting doesn’t cut it for me because right now most of my “Safety” is created on the other levels’ resources.
I think I like this 30 day writing process – vulnerable as it is.
At the Solstice party last night I ran into several NLP people. It seems to be a reoccurring theme. So I have decided to try some NLP techniques. Mainly simply because they make sense to me in regards to dealing with negative thought spirals…
One visualization technique that my friend Kai suggested was doing a “swish” on “trigger” issues. Basically you take a loaded negative image and shrink it away from you – so far away it becomes black and white. Then you take a loaded positive image and do the same. Then practice switching between the two – zooming in and out. Basically getting control over the loaded image. and then using that tool in other difficult situations…
It seems worth a try – plus it makes sense in regards to neural pathways – you can get into reoccurring patterns of negative thought. My example is how our brains can get into ruts or well worn story telling trails. For example, take a story you tell often and try to stop in the middle of it. I think it is why old people often are labeled a boring storytellers. They often have set patterns of stories that are difficult to deviate from. I say take those stories and try to change them to your audience’s perspective or give them a more positive spin.
I hope by doing this experiment I will create a more positive perspective of the world. When I was in India, my perspective shifted widely and often. I would flow back and forth from loving the vitality and strength of the Indian people in the face of extreme hardship to hating the chaos, pollution and competitiveness.
I believe to succeed at my work I need to love humanity. I sometimes feel like LeeLoo in the 5th Element where I have to be reminded why I want to save the world. When I am in that space and being in love with the patterns of the universe is when I am happiest and feel that sense of wellbeing. You know that feeling – I used to achieve it when I believed in religion.
But I do feel that this is like dancing was for me. At first, I was just good at it. But to be great at it, I had to take some steps back and dissect it. I had to be conscious so that I could be consciously great instead of unconsciously good. Unfortunately becoming conscious means I suddenly became awkward. That was extremely hard on my ego. But if I practice enough, I can again become unconsciously good with the ability to become conscious and great when I need to learn something new.
India made me stumble, trip and fall… All the poverty, dirt, scrambling, competitiveness made me awkward. I felt both bad for them as well as in fear of them. Americans are so very soft. And I got taken advantage of often. But while I was there I kept myself up with the power of perspective. I did not allow that to crumble until I was leaving. I then had to process and now pulling myself out of it. I can enjoy the fun I had in India again.
Now the aspect to happiness in this… This process is good! i need to acknowledge that. I also need to allow myself to be unhappy to stumble while I process. So that I can get back to being happy again.
Key here – forgive yourself for disliking and being afraid of something. You can love something at the same time you see it’s flaws. it’s okay. perfection is a myth. Don’t expect them to be perfect or yourself.
So in honor of solstice, new years and the other holidays, I am going to do 30 days of posts on happiness.
I don’t always promise that they are completely happy posts but more reflections on happiness.
One reason I am doing this is because I have gotten into some negative storytelling patterns that I would like to break. So this is more a pursuit of happiness…
Topics I am pondering are:
They may change… these are just jumping off points. But hopefully I will link them to the appropriate posts in the future.
