Persona Prime

http://oliana0.livejournal.com/242111.html

My friend decided that what makes her happy is doing affirmations for others she knows… and Man oh man is she good at it.  The one she did for me made me tear up.

This is the best example of spreading happiness that I have found that iis also deeply meaningful.  I like this even more than the #30daysofhappiness meme.  It is what I was looking for when I started this intellectual exploration of happiness!  It makes her happy and allows her to spread such meaningful happiness.  Beyond a quick fix – this helps people create better perceptions of self and encourages them to strive further in the right directions.

Earlier I did a post on Criticism and how I don’t want to ever use it as a form of communication unless you know it is a dangerous situation. (Yes I know I’m mess up on this occasionally but it is a goal…)  This post/action of her is the perfect counterpoint!  And can be used to illustrated Affirmation as a leadership style.

Hey Girl! You hit the top of the Mazlow’s hierarchy with this one! Gold star Michelle – Gold star!

I’m watching more and more people every day getting mad at twitter and facebook. These poor misguided folk unfortunately take it out too often on associates, acquaintance, people they know or “Friends.”

Defriending is such a sad word… it implies such drama. And in the end creates more drama than is necessary.

I rarely Unfollow on twitter anymore. I used to typically unfollow out of hurt feelings for those that weren’t following me back. But I realized that relationships are often inequitable.  And that I don’t care,  I’ll follow who I think is interesting.  And I’ll friend on facebook people I have met and want to continue to connect with.

Now it is mainly a spam issue – you direct message me with spam- I will definitely unfollow you. if you spam your feed enough that I notice. I will also unfollow.  If I don’t like you or don’t remember you- I defriend you.  It’s kinda rare.

but that is about it.

So much of this defriending and unfollowing has more to do with information overload.  The overload makes us feel a need to disconnected.  So ironically to connect, we cull our lists and disconnect.  We raise the status of those we feel more connected to.  We threaten just to see who is listening. (Guilty right here I bet I can find at least 3-5 LJ entries along those lines.) We close lines of communication to others based on random rules. (I have mine I just listed one in this post.)

But before you do that… realize the reason why you are doing it.  Typically bad communication interfaces or bad privacy implementations created by software.  Not the people.  Do you really dislike me because I tweet too much about stuff you don’t understand?  See at a party – you wouldn’t care.  You would walk away and check in later.  You would be ready to talk to me when I said something interesting esp if I called your name.

I have found that currently – my biggest vector of happiness is relationships.  So many of y’all are mainly virtual these days.  But that doesn’t diminish my feelings for you.  Distance and lack of time weakens the ties sometimes that is true.  But that is just lack of communication aspects that I understand and don’t take personally.  Doesn’t mean I don’t love you (or like you my dear casual acquaintances.)

But I leave you on the list… Because I do want to leave that channel of communication open.  I followed/friended you in the first place for a reason.  To open a door.  Just because I am not listening doesn’t mean you can’t contact me directly.  I will try to respond… even if you are in my inbox for a year (sorry dave karpf.)

Unfollow me sure but realize then I can’t DM you.  Unfriend me – but then realize might be harder to invite you to a party or find your contact info.  I’ll try to not take it personally – if you do the same…

http://www.6footsix.com/my_weblog/2010/01/high-fives-for-happiness.html

Considering my earlier post about smiles and positive emotions being viral! I think this is a good plan!

I also think of it as the American version of the free hug campaign this fellow did. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4 wow up to 54 million views! I cried the first time I saw that video.

The high five one is safer. It does make me smile – so that works for me…

I did a Princess and Frog rampage during the Disney movie. My girlfriends and I dressed up like princesses. You know just cause. It was big fun. I bought wee plastic tiaras and frog stickers. Asked the wee ones attending if they were a frog or a princess and gave them the appropriate gift.

It was one little gal’s b-day. Her mom said my friends and I making her feel special like that was a gift from god. Interestingly, there was one mom w 3 older girls (11-13) that was actually upset by the gifts since I didn’t work for the theatre or Disney. She made them give the wee gifts back. I thought that was sad that she lives her life in that much fear.

But I did make 30+ other little girls day esp the birthday girl.

What Random Act of Happiness have you thought of doing?

It looks to be an amazing new series on emotion and happiness on PBS

http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/series

thank you @gumption !

Watching episode 1 now…

I love the sound of trains… sad, lonely and connected
It is difficult to express the longing they trigger
and how very happy the sound makes me

I know these words do not all invoke visions of Happiness.
But I suppose it is the calm peacefulness that I feel
It reminds me of Great Grandma’s house
I feel safe, private. It is very late and everyone is asleep except me and the train conductor.

I think of my disconnected family of travelers…
wanderers
and the impossibility of the connections I feel to so many diverse people
the excitement of travel

So odd that all I do is fly…

@thenextwomen: New Article: Women on Twitter for Business Reasons Why http://bit.ly/914BaD

Made me think about my gaming days… And all the discussions we used to have about women in gaming and getting more women involved in gaming.  We noticed that games with low introduction barriers were the most popular with women and captured the casual gamer market.

Two major ones that stood out to me are Solitaire and Tetris.  (I actually had a 4am discussion about this w Alexey at Burningman this year too.  I was camped at Tetrion – a very loud camp esp once the two 40ft tetris screens were setup.  We were celebrating Tetris’s 25 yr anniversary.  Henk was the initiator of the idea and got Alexey out there in all the dust and noise.)

Alexey believes (if I heard him right – it was kinda loud ) that women like Tetris because you are constantly building/creating/fixing something rather than destroying.  I’d like to say that was true but I think it is something deeper than that.  At Dave and Busters, all the girls play Day of the Dead.  I think it is because the interface is quickly accessible.  Also you are cooperating with your partner.

So adoption…It also wasn’t a time issue – I noticed many women getting lost in those games for hours.

To me it all come around to interfaces… women have less patience with overly complex interfaces.  I found that on average men would spend more time trying to figure out an interface than a woman would.  Women seem to adopt faster when the interface is simple.  We know how to create the necessary social structures/rules so we prefer interfaces that get out of our way and allow us to do so.

I think that is why women love twitter and have adopted faster.

***disclaimer all of this is said in recognition of “Sparkling Generalities.”  There are always exceptions to the rules.  I am just mulling over a pattern I have personally observed.  I am very open to opposing evidence esp scientifically gathered!

http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/337/dec04_2/a2338 British Medical Journal

http://web.med.harvard.edu/sites/RELEASES/html/christakis_happiness.html

Harvard Medical School Office of Public Affairs
Happiness is a collective – not just individual – phenomenon

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=97848789

A Study To Smile About: Happiness Is Contagious

Course what I think is interesting is a neighbor is 34% more likely while a spouse is only 8%.  I think this explains much.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirror_neuron

course with these little biological guys…
It can go the other way too with negative emotion.
And again – looks like us gals really are “more sensitive.” I’m betting this is one of those baby raising things again.  Biology does like for us to be more aware of the kiddo’s needs and wants.

so consider that before being a grumpybutt…  Your spouse can handle it better than a neighbor but you do have to sleep with your spouse.

So I ignored the signs about identity. I waffled back and forth trying to create privacy on important things like home addresses while trying to maintain my brand. In a way I was forced into it. Whenever anyone hears the name Silona and they know me – they assume it is me. It’s a reasonable assumption. But when some students of mine discovered silona.ch, I realized I had more to do. Silona.ch was a porn site for a dominatrix in the Czech Republic. Unfortunately she never showed her face and hard dark hair and a similar build to mine. Everyone seemed to believe me that it wasn’t me but.. the seeds of doubt were there. I knew I had to work more on creating and preserving my own identity. And I was tired of addressing the issue – “no that isn’t me…”

So I gave up on privacy. For me it had become a lost cause. So many sites and agencies wanted my address and phone. It had accidentally been published. So many things depended on my SSN and name. I had already been stalked once and because of that Dad and I had done concealed handgun classes together. (Yes I own 4 guns. Yes I am a Texan and a military brat.) I realized privacy as secrecy was a thing of the past – it just took me awhile to completely accept it.

I know it’s hard. I mean I do large scale databases for a living.

So I went looking for a way to fix it… my first attempt was a royal failure.  I realized things don’t just need to be available.  They need to be equitable.

As individuals, the electronic medium was forcing us to be transparent to businesses and government but they did not have to report back to us.

I decided to strive to create more equitable relationships.  Step was get government transparent… step two was business.  But I didn’t tell many people.  See in 2004 in Texas – most people already thought I was a little “unrealistic.” (to put  it nicely.)

Recently though I refocused.  Now I am focused on citations for government documents, creating citable data, and openbanking.

So there is this story I tell often to explain many of my perspectives on the world.  I realized it wasn’t posted here and I really should post it so that people have some contextualization.

So have you ever had to stop yourself midstory?  Do you find it painful?  Do you feel like you just stumbled?  Maybe even stumbled and fell?  Have you noticed that it is even worse when it is a favorite story or a frequently told story?  Have you noticed the elderly people often have a stuck set of stories?  I mean you know they are old – they most have more stories than that and yet… they keep applying the same ones to the same phrases?

Well your brain is not unlike a network of roadways.  Paths become easier to take the more often you take them.  I mean this is normal – it is called learning.  It is how we survive.  It costs us less energy (literally) to think the same way.  The problem with this is that our brains can get so used to things that it creates ruts – deep grooves.  Those ruts can become difficult even painful to deviate from.  They become so deep that they become tunnels so that we can’t see the other possible paths.

I know that I already have those ruts all over my brain.  And for the most part, I tried to make sure those are worthwhile journeys.  But I purposely try to make myself jump out of them from time to time to keep my brain nimble.

So when you tell a story… look around – anyone bored?  You might be in a rut where you can just barely see over it.  Stop engage that person – jump off the path and see what’s there and have a little conversation.

oh yea – and if you notice me getting in a rut … PLEASE ask me a question to gimme a little push out of it

So I was  reading @Gumption ’s blog post on Consequential Strangers and was struck about how weak ties can often be more powerful than your inner circle.  I thought “Well, why would this occur…”

I think much of this has to do with filters and judgment. When we get closer to people, we decide that we “know” them and we project much of ourselves on to them.

Often times, when we do this we limit people with baggage. Sometimes we create self fulfilling prophecies even.

My favorite example, how many times does a parent expect you to act like a 12 yr old and even though you promised yourself you wouldn’t yell at her like a 12 yr old – you find yourself doing it?

With any normal person this would never occur…  And it would certainly not occur with a random stranger.  But for some reason, we are able to give better suggestions and often be better people with strangers.  Time to lose both the amount of projection of self we give to good friends.  I think is slows down the grey matter.  Instead of coming up with solutions instead it just accesses memories both positive and negative rather than looking for novel solutions…

I think I will steal from my happiness post earlier and try to short circuit my neural circuitry when that happens by some physical trick of existing in the now and maybe reroute that neural pathway.